Whisper
by kalobuko
Summary: HSxDM Insomnia, hurt, and a fridge raid.


whisper

  
  
Hours after she said she was going to sleep, Hilde sat on the floor in her bedroom, leaning against the unseen side of her bed. She listened to Duo when he went to his own room and got in bed, writhing in agony while her insides rotted. Actual sleep had been far from her grasp the past few days, her nights flooded with memories and regret. Tears stained her face and pillow cases, her sheets kneaded into bunches by morning's light. Had it really been so long since she realized? When she realized that Duo didn't love her.   
  
Maybe she was selfish, or maybe just too kind. Now, all her tears gone for the night, Hilde sat there and stared at the wall. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, her arms draped lazily over them. Clouded by the need for sleep, and perhaps the need of equal and requited love, her eyes lost their splendor and shine. Over those last few nights, her baby blues were now dull and flat.   
  
Thinking of Duo, asleep soundly in his bed, she sighed, unable to cry any more. In a final effort to sleep, she got up, exited her room and walked slowly down the hall. Her footsteps were silent, and she braced herself on the wall while she tread into the living room. There, she saw the couch, coffee table, TV, and an emptiness she didn't remember seeing there before. Turning, she made her way into the kitchen, socked feet unaffected by the chill of the floor. The refrigerator served as her grounding, keeping her from collapsing. Hilde was surprised that she'd made it that day without passing out. She looked at her hand and licked her parched lips, troubled at the pasty quality of her skin. After a moment of thinking, she opened the door of the refrigerator and scanned its insides.   
  
Milk, orange juice, cheese. Sandwich meats, ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise, canned sodas, leftovers, and jelly. Lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, a half eaten peach and a pomegranate. A Tupperware container holding three slices of supreme pizza, eggs, pickles, a can of condensed milk, and a bowl of once canned pears. A box of Chinese take out. Hilde reached inside to take out the bowl of pears and shut the door. She walked over to an empty space of counter and turned on the console light above. The light of the fluorescent bulb hurt her eyes for a moment, but she adjusted and retrieved a fork from a drawer next to her. Spearing one, she lifted it to her mouth and bit into it. Sweet and gritty, she chewed and hoped that it would stay down. Unlike most of the food she'd consumed. She turned off the light. How long had it been since she knew? Since she knew that Duo didn't love her.  
  
Carrying the bowl into the dining area, which was adjacent to the kitchen--basically part of it--Hilde finished off the first piece and sat down. Distantly, she heard the chair moan and scoot across the floor. She took another bite and looked at the bowl of pears blankly, chewing. Only one other piece left. Keeping the pears down was a major achievement, and Hilde smiled faintly when she thought about how last night's dinner came up. She probably sounded like she was possessed or something. Thankfully, Duo wasn't inside to bother her about it. With another bite, she finished off the remains of the pear she had on her fork. Finally, she stuck the fork into the last one and shoved it all in her mouth. Then, she got up and placed the bowl, with the fork, in the sink. When she swallowed the pear, she felt it slide into her stomach, surprised that it was staying there.  
  
Hilde walked back into the living room, and sat down on the couch. Once planted, she found something to look at, and watched it. Within the darkness of the room, she found that the clock was interesting enough. Glowing in the dark, showing the time to be three o' five in the morning. Unfazed, Hilde sat upright, no sand in her eyes, sleep still seeming to be just out of reach. A fleeting sigh left her mouth before tears started to flow again. Although she had thought that they were gone for the time being, they were back. Crying about how pitiful she was, how much she loved Duo, and how much he drove her crazy every waking moment of her life. Which had been all the time for the past three days. His every glance and gesture, smile, frown, smirk, and glower. Everything about him made her feel lightheaded.   
  
Sinking into her arms, she curled up and wept, as quietly as she could. But, on the other side of the house, Duo woke and rolled out of bed. He slipped out of his room and unintentionally crept without sound down the hallway. Without Hilde even noticing, Duo came into the inky black living room and fell completely motionless. Glued on her form, Duo's eyes slid narrow with worry. His body ached and his head started to weigh down on him. Feeling for her, Duo came closer, touched to his very being. Crying...he'd never seen anyone sob like that. Big wet tears rolling down her cheeks and onto her sleeved arms. Duo stole to the couch in the pitch dark, until he was kneeling in front of her. She was so deeply in her own world that she didn't notice him at all, and she turned away, pushing closer into the seat cushions.  
  
Duo reached up and put his arms around her, sensing her entire body trembling. She moaned a bit when he pulled her closer, flat against his chest, and she went limp within his strong arms. Her arms fell to her sides and she let him hold her. He was on his knees in front of the couch, and yet she felt like she was floating. Nothing above, nothing below. But with those reflections, came reality. Duo. That was Duo, and he didn't care for her the way she cared for him. The feeling of safety he put over her turned into the sensation of her body being ripped to shreds.   
  
she heard him say within her tormented state of mind. I don't know why you're crying, but please stop.  
  
Leveled against his chest, she felt like a rag doll, tattered and strewn together. That's when he noticed how incredibly small she was. Wispy and faint, in a way. For the first time since they'd met, Duo saw that she was soft and fragile, breakable, and in need of his protection.   
  
  
  
he said into her shoulder. You don't have to say anything.  
  
Hilde's hands fisted in the fabric of his shirt, and he stood, tucking his arms beneath her. He picked her up and started carrying her back through the hallway and into her room. Hilde's hackles stood on end as he laid her down on her bed. In one gentle motion he set her down and took a moment to console her again.  
  
Hilde, are you all right?  
  
She didn't let go of his shirt,   
  
What is it?  
  
He looked into her watery, sad eyes. Leaned over her, he knew that his back wouldn't stand for it. Hilde sniffled, and slowly released his shirt. I'm okay.  
  
You know, for some odd reason, I don't believe you, he told her.  
  
She bit her lip, Duo, I know that you don't feel this way, but I have to say it. It's been tearing me apart.  
  
  
  
Shaking her head, she wiped her eyes and continued, I've fallen in love with you, Duo Maxwell, and I think that I'm going crazy because of it. Hilde sobbed. I realized that you couldn't possibly feel that way, I understand. But I had to say it. I haven't slept in three days, and everything I've eaten has come back up because I realized that I loved you. And because I know that you could never feel that way about me...I'm sorry!  
  
Oh, Hilde, no, I'm sorry, he hung over her and wrapped his arms around her again. I'm sorry to make you feel that way. I...  
  
Right then and there. A heart hardened by war and death, one blocked and barricaded, melted. Hilde, I do love you. I do. I've just been an total idiot by not showing it or even caring!  
  
She slid her hands onto the back of his neck and hugged him, as they both started to cry for each other. she whimpered, stay here with me.  
  
Accepting her offer, he slowly crawled onto the bed and lay on his side next to her. Snuggling close to him, Hilde allowed him to snake his arms around her waist. Her hands fitted into his shirt again. Every proverbial brick surrounding Duo's heart shattered as the tears flowed out of Hilde's eyes. They slipped out of his too, and he drew her to him until her entire body was against his. Wearing her black and white sheep pajamas, Hilde savored the warmth of Duo's touch through the fabric of her shirt. Content with the moment, there was silence between them, no sound except that of their tremmored breathing. Duo buried his head in her shoulder and stopped crying.   
  
Duo, you didn't just say all that to make me feel better, did you? she asked absurdly.  
  
His arms tightened, I was completely serious. It only took your pain for me to realize it, and I'm sorry. Duo let a few seconds pass before he spoke again,   
  
she sniffled once more, her cheeks damp with continual tears.  
  
One of his hands came out from beneath her and went to her cheek. He leaned up on his other elbow and tipped her face up to his. Could I do something?  
  
Anything you want, she replied sadly.  
  
With a slight smile, Duo kissed her. Hilde's eyes closed and her hands instinctively moved to his neck. It was an innocent kiss, and it only lasted for three seconds, but to Hilde, it felt like a lifetime. And there, in the early morning dark, Duo let Hilde fall asleep, snuggled intimately close to him. Within the security of his arms, Hilde's doubts and fear and sorrow fled with every moment. Duo kissed the top of her head and fell asleep with thoughts of how much they belonged together. Every whisper, every touch, every tear seared into their memories, Duo and Hilde simply slept. And prepared for a lifetime of companionship and love.  
  
Completed November 24, 2000  
at 11 o' clock  
  
Casey Lou (kalobuko)  



End file.
